when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
