Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
