So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so let's talk penis.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
