final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We got so high we made milksteak
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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