You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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