Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
