I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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