Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
