You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
