That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
