The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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