So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
