life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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