if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So. Much. Porn.
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