ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
