you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
