I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
