nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
