So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
