So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
