I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
