Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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