I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
