My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
