The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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