dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
