Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
