I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's just like the Real World with babies
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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