I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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