I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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