All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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