She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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