I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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