You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
