apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
