it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
