"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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