my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need water and some morals
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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