11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
