you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
