I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
