her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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