I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
