Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
