Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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