is your mom at the bar?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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