i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
