I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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