i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
only you would photoshop your dick
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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