mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.