just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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