rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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