Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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