Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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