Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
