Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
