how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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