Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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