everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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