that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
