Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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