My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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