you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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