Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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