No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
