So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
