pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
