I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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