I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
