Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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