he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
