is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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