my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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