sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
