Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
