Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
