Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
