he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
