If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
