A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
