and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
