my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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