Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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