i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
