he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
